My dilemma and my interest

Not only am I going to talk about the things that interest me on this blog I want to talk about the things that I am going through maybe not life related, well kind of, but mostly creatively and what is going on. I want to talk about my portfolio or some of the stuff in it. Lately I’ve been looking for jobs and I’ve had some luck but nothing concrete as of yet. So, I’m going to say I’ve been depressed, it just seems as though I have given up but in that giving up I’ve done research on why I am giving up. Okay, let me say I’m not giving up, I am just slowing down my process and in that I have found why I have not gotten any luck with work. It is particularly to do with my portfolio and I have come to the realization that it is not my portfolio it is me; my portfolio does not reflect what I want to do as an artist or a designer. While listening to One Fantastic Week, a weekly podcast about fantasy artist, they were doing a portfolio website critique. I have seen this video advertised on their YouTube page before but skimmed over it and for some reason something told me to look at it. In that brief hour and a half, it opened my world up to some of the problems that I have been facing. I know my interest and I know what I want to do but my portfolio does not clearly state what that is. It shows that I am a well-rounded designer but it does not show my strengths. It shows I can do many things well but nothing truly great and that hurts but sometimes you gotta be honest we yourself. I am still young 25 and to be honest I do not know if I want to work for a particular company but I know my interest and I have an idea of what I want to do in the future. But let me talk about some of my interest first.

Art/Drawing:

Lets start with the thing that I loved the most and writing that out just shows that I truly fell in love with this since I first saw my cousin do it at a young age. Drawing is my first love, I have flirted with countless other things but drawing has to be my favorite thing in the whole world. Coming up with ideas in your head and being able to put them on a page, in my opinion, the best and most interesting thing that I’ve ever experienced. It is a certain high I get when I get something down or draw something that gives me a sense of accomplishment. It has its struggles, it takes a long time to develop a style and practicing on form, perspective, and composition. I’ve been told just do it, like the Nike commercials always say, and it should come out great. My problem is finding the time and I tell myself that every day which, to me, seems to be the hardest part. There is something in my brain that distracts me from achieving that. I know I must take the time and devote my time out of the day and study and do it and I will be good. This is a point where I am the problem and I am the solution and I know how to fix it.

Guillaume Ospital

When I look at someone’s art that inspires me the first thing I look at is atmosphere. What is the image trying to tell me, what is going on, and how do I feel about a particular character or place? All these things plus composition and color have a big impact on what I want to do with my art. I must study form, composition, perspective, and color to create these things. Sometimes it takes people a life time to do it and that is a sacrifice that I am willing to take.

Atey Ghailan

Photography:

Photography has to be hands down, the best thing since drawing that has happened to me and I am so thankful for it. It has shown me that I can look at the world however I want through a lens and show people my vision and have fun being outside and engaged with my surrounds and I am thankful for it. I want to say this is the easiest to me out of the three only because I picked up the mechanics so fast and so quickly. I learned how to use a camera in school because I signed up for a class and it turned out to be a wonderful experience. I was learning from two great teachers because I was fortunate enough to have a professor and a grad student teaching that semester. I developed my own style of shooting and editing that is unique to me and helpful for me to convey what I want the audience to see.

Todd Hido

If you don’t know, I explore my city at night taking detailed shots of my surroundings and to me it is so beautiful. I have told people that I find places more interesting than people only because it is easier to take a picture of a building than a person but lately I have been so engulfed with film that I am finding ways to make people interesting to me which leads me to my next inspiration film. I am inspired by people who are all about setting the mood in their photos I think it is so beautiful to see. I like photos that tell a story but leaves more to the imagination. Just enough to tell the story but also enough to leave room for more.

Yang Yong

Film and Video:

Film is a beast within itself and a monster all on its own. Lately, I have been on it, doing research on different directors, writers, cinematographers, and actors and how they incorporate a scene. Looking at videos that show what the director was thinking is astonishing to me. The way they set the camera, position the movements of the actors and the characters, and how they can convey a story is helping me as a photographer develop my style even further. I’ve been viewing video about some of my favorite directors and how they read a script and how they try to bring their vision to life. At first, I thought being a director was all about setting the camera and just saying action, no. Being a director is showing people the story that you see and help guide them through the movie creating suspense, a sense of danger, triumph, misery, and passion all within that time frame. I think that takes a certain type of person and I am finding out that sometimes the great scenes and moments in film history aren’t the blockbusters that everyone loves but the small films that draw out that emotion where the director showcases every little detail about the character and their surroundings. I think film, or a great film, is made from a certain type of genius or individual.

But within film it is not just one person, it is a team of people working towards one goal. You have the director, writer, the light person, the grip, and different people all coming together to make a great film but it is on everyone to help the director get his vision across to help the audience experience what he made. Thinking on that, I think I want people to experience something when they look at my art. I want people to have an experience while looking at the things I create. Thinking about that, it is going to take time and practice to accomplish that.

CLICK HERE: How to be creative

Me:

I want to somehow incorporate all of that into my works creating an experience that the audience will get when they see my artwork. Film is such an inspiration to me and I did not even know it. Some of my friends who are film buffs say that I have an eye for it but I need to somehow incorporate that into my art. I am gradually incorporating that into my photography and it is doing wonders and I want to bring that into my illustrative style but that will take time but I want to and must do it. It is one of those things if I don’t do it, it will haunt me and I will be sad if I do not at least try. I have placed some sample pictures within the text to showcase some of the stuff that inspires my way of thinking and the direction I want to go in it is all a matter of doing it.

I still have a problem; my portfolio is still directionless. Rereading this I noticed that I am a creative and I am trying to put myself into a bubble because I have to fit in somewhere. Am I an illustrator, a photographer, do I want to go into UX design, I love marketing and advertising but do I really want to do that, also I like production I should look into that…what the heck is production anyway? All these things rush in your head at the end during school and looking for work. I remember in school even though it seems so long ago, it was merely months ago, my teacher wrote down GENERALIST next to my name. I was confused, what is a generalist anyway, it took a toll on me and to this day I still do not know what that means. I may never know, I could look it up but I am trying not to care and move on with a new title that I am giving myself. A Creative, simply put, and that is something I will strive for. In the words of someone that interviewed me and never called me back, he said, “Your work is life. The color and composition is great you try to show a little life in every design you do…”. I should thank him because that is the only thing I can say I walked away with learning something that even I couldn’t see. So that is all I have and I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did sometimes we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and tell ourselves what we see.